Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction is not as rare as you may think. It can be any type of addiction; for some people it can behavioral addiction such as sex, gambling, or it can be chemical addiction like alcohol, or opioids among others.
Substance abuse and addiction can wake havoc in the family in many ways. A few years ago there was a very well-known French politician, who according to many people was a sex addict, ended up losing his political career when he got caught in a sex scandal and being accused of sexual assault on a maid. This not only was the end of his political career that also terminated his marriage of many years.
As its consequences can be so disastrous, addiction should be addressed to avoid or minimize such catastrophe if you do not want to lose your marriage or your significant other.
First off, let’s take alcohol as an example. Being alcoholic is a serious disease that can sadly sabotage your relationship.
Actually, alcohol is killing yourself slowly, if not stopped early, it kills your liver, your brain, your pancreas, etc. Depending on the level of intoxication, it is even possible for you to lose your life, which would be very unfortunate.
My husband’s uncle has been an active alcoholic for several decades, and now, in his seventies, he really starts to pay for all those years of drinking. He is almost in constant excruciating pain and in less than 6 months he went to the operating room three times; to date he is still suffering.
Since alcohol addiction means buying beers, whisky or whatever other related drinks on a regular basis, alcohol also takes a toll on finances; therefore, what should have been deposited into the savings account has gone. And in some relationships money is even missing from the partner’s wallet or from the joint account, which is not good at all. In addition, it is common for street drugs addicts to do bad things like stealing or being violent to finance their drug habit.
When you have you a partner with an addiction your duty is to stand by his or her side to help him or her because that is a serious disease which can destroy your family rapidly; like I said previously. Not every person can get out of that without someone standing by himself or herself, because it is a long way to go. and temptations are almost always there. In a moment of weakness, they can try one drink and that drink will be followed by so many ones, and they relapse.
I am not going to lie and say that is easy to do no. it is going to be hard both for the addict and the other half. I want to put emphasis that out there there is also a support for both the person that has the addiction and the person who supports him or her.
An alcoholic person may not have the courage to go to an AA(Anonymous Alcoholics Anonymous) to look for help by attending meetings, hence your role to initiate things for him or for her. Yes, seek support for your other half and he or she may think you later. And also by doing that, you are doing the right things to save that person and at the same time your relationship. In fact, so many times, the addicted spouse may not be totally conscious of the extent of the problem; and if he or she is aware of it, he or she can be ashamed of his or her condition as he or she cannot control it.
I had a friend whose wife was addicted to gambling, she was so addicted to the point to spend long hours in casinos, and for many days. One day his wife spent over 20.000 dollars in gambling, which at first enraged him but also sent the alarm signals that he had to do something or they would get broke and divorced, and as neither was what he wanted he got her professional help.
Realizing that his wife was throwing huge sums of money down the drain, and that at this rate, all their savings was going that route, he took the decision to help for her. Another reason why my friend really felt the need to do so for his wife it is because he was an ex alcoholic, so he knew that all alone the odds of getting out of that easily without his support and the help of a team of specialists were quite slim. With his support and good therapy, she stopped going to casinos to gamble.
That is a good example of what a partner should do to help his significant order, husband and wife are in this in good times and the bad, so when cases like that arise please do not leave the person alone or apart without helping him or her as he or she is in dire need of you, of your love, of your support, of your help.
Also avoid giving ultimatums that if he or she does not stop drinking, or gambling you will file for divorce and get the children custody. Those things do not really solve the problem overnight, in fact they can even worsen the issue, as they generate more stress for him or her. As a good spouse, your duty is to talk sincerely to your partner about his or her addiction, but for pity sake do so with empathy, with love, and with respect. Remember that you can offer your help, but you can not force him or her to get rehabilitation; that should be a personal decision.
If the addiction is alcohol, you are not going to keep buying alcohol even tough it is not meant for the significant other; remember that trying to be sober is a struggle and temptations of any kinds should be avoided.
In case that the household money is wasted in drugs or in gamble, for instance, your partner should not manage money anymore till he or she can control the issue. Not only the money is the fuel that allows him or her to satisfy the addiction, also you want to be able to pay the bills and save money.
Guys if your other half has an addiction, be supportive and seek professional help to not only save that person but also your relationship, your marriage as addiction and substance use place a financial strain on marriages.
