In this day and age women’s life is totally different from life in the good old times, the era of my grand mother and my great grand mother, where very early in their marriages women conceive and give birth to their first kids. Back in those days, often times, one year or two years after having their first child, those women welcome their second kid in the world. Like that, they quickly have five or more children while still under forties.
Women theses days, believe in educating themselves first then, then they work towards starting a family. In fact, like men, they spend 4 years, or even more attending college or and universities to have a degree and have a good career. which is understandable.
Indeed, after working on a Bachelor degree for many years, certain women will continue their studies by doing a master’s degree. Since so many other people also have that same sort of degrees, the same qualifications, competition to get a good job is quite fierce. As a consequence, in order to secure a good job, women pushed themselves even further by setting the bar high aiming and going for a PhD.
Combining, school with family life is not always easy; likewise, managing work and household at the same time it is not a walk in the park. In fact, working on an undergraduate degree, on a master, or on a PhD, require a great deal of time and dedication. You have to spend hours may times a week to have good grades; there are a lot of papers to read, a lot of research to do, and a lot of essays to write. After taking care of university related work, how much time is left think is left for your husband? How much time is left to properly take care of your child, or your children?
Because of the aforementioned reasons, and others such as poor stress management skills, many women do not want to procreate when working or continuing their studies, but their husbands do not always get it. Believe me when a man wants to become a father, or wants to get other kids, he will do anything to get them.
The other day I stumbled upon the video of a famous artist, who is by the way in her mid-twenties, where she was talking about postponing having kids in marriages. Almost everyday her husband asks when will she be ready to carry their child? Frequently, he mentions his desire of having a child, of becoming a dad, but each time she tries to change the topic, or says they will talk about it at another time. Her reasons for not to wanting to procreate right now, it is because her will to secure her future first; once having kids you do not know for sure when you will return to the paid labour market, or you do not know whether you will still have time, the money to go back to school for a degree. Therefore her degree first , her career first, then the baby. Although her husband keeps asking for a baby, she has not granted him that request yet, and according to her, it will take a few more years before she will get pregnant.
Let us take another case,
My cousin Rose’s case differs a little bit from the above- mentioned one due to the fact that her husband and her already have a child together, a son: Jamie. The problem with them is that the husband wanted to have second child. Originally, she agreed on trying to get another kid as she thought that it is good for kids not to be too old apart, that way they will be more likely to be best friends, to play together, and this way they will have more connection between them.
However, according to her, after giving it much thought she came to the realization that carrying another kid was not such a good idea as she previously thought. Actually, in her views, getting pregnant in that moment would put her further back in life. Although not against the idea of conceiving another child, but doing so in that moment, or in a near future was definitely was not an option .
This was to the great displeasure of her husband Charles. I remember that when they were visiting us, a day, Charles stated that he never saw himself with only one kid, and since the beginning of their relationship it was clear that they would have many kids, things that her wife had not problem to agree with. As Rose comes from a large family, she knows very well the many advantages of having a lot of brothers and sisters, and also the importance of getting them without a big age gap. So her husband did not understand that after two years of agreeing on that idea, that out of the blue she refuses to get pregnant anymore. From his perspective, his wife had to get pregnant and that set.
During a visit to my mom, Charles confessed that his family will be complete if only my cousin accepts to give him another bundle of joy. Further to that issue, he added if his wife persisted on not getting pregnant so that he became a dad for the second time, he would have no other choice but to turn himself to another woman to conceive that other child.
Hearing that surprised me so much, it was so unexpected, I just looked at my cousin, but I did not chime because that was their private life therefore it was up to them to work on that issue, to find and agreement, and to fix their marital problem.
At hat time my cousin did not take him seriously, in her mind, it was a way of putting pressure on her to oblige her to get pregnant quickly. But that was not a joke, this guy was very determined to get another child.
Do you know what happened after a few years guys? They got divorced, he got a relation with another woman and did conceive that other kid he wanted so bad.
Guys, I understand that because of your career, you postpone the moment of having kids, or having more kids, or you just refuse to give birth altogether; however, remember that in a relationship decision making it is something that works both ways. Try to find an agreement with your husband for the happiness of your relationship or your marriage.
