Quite often, the idea of staying at home and not working anymore comes after giving birth to the first child, or when the couple welcomes the second little bundle of joy into the family. After the idea become to germinate in your head, and before the desire of embracing this new role, in a near future, haunts you too much, look at the potential benefits and drawbacks for you as a women. Next, think about your husband’s opinion on the matter. How well will he take it? Will he be willing to be the sole responsible parent for the whole family, in financial terms? A husband may accept to take care of his kids, economically speaking, but when it comes to do the same for his wife, he could not agree to. That should not come as a surprise as it may not be part of his beliefs and mentality.
Well ,for him taking care of his family may only consist of financially supporting his kids, not his wife. In the same context, some men see their women as their equal, which also means equality in everything, not only in gender rights, including money related matters. Many families financial rules are based on the fifty/fifty scenario where any bill is split equally. As a consequence, a woman without any mental, and or physical disabilities must contribute to all the household expenses, and as we know the way to be able to do it is to have a job. A women should be able to take care of herself; it is not the husband’s or someone else’s duty. This is simply inconceivable for many men.
Let go deeply into the topic.
The question to be addressed is whether a sole breadwinner can pay all the bills which include, the rent/mortgage, electricity, food, clothes, extracurricular activities expenses for the children, and so on, without going bankrupt.
My husband’s mom, who was a registered nurse, gave up her career to take care of her husband and her two kids. According to my husband, his family experienced some serious economic hardships that push them to the point to request the government assistance family to make ends meet. If hubby’s mom worked the kids would not face any tough situations.
However, every situation is different. For instance, my mom stayed home to look after after the house, my siblings and I, and we never went through any money related issues because my father’s earnings was more than enough to cover all our expenses. My dad even payed for helpers so that mom would not suffer from burnout. It is not given to every family to do that without incurring an economic backlash.
Even if our beloved is well off enough and can do so without being in financial woes, he may not want that to fall on him, and therefore just not want to assume that role. Consequently, it is to be expected very frequents, tensions, arguments within the family.
As an example, If I decide to drop my job and stay home forever, hubby will not approve it, life at home will be unbearable. He had more than enough when I decided to extend my maternity leave. Actually, instead of staying home with my little pie for only one year, I did it for 18 month. When we had arguments, the first things he said was that I should have been back to work since a long time, eventhough what we disputed about had nothing to do with maternity leave. He made it crystal clear that I should work to make my monetary contribution. In my case, that decision will bring unpleasant consequences. As we will disputes very often, and both of us will be unhappy.
Another important question to ask is why do you really want to be a stay at home mother.
Yes, try to frankly answer this following question. For what reasons do you want to leave the paid workforce? It is out of of laziness? Or because it is hard to wake up every morning to go to work whether we slept well or not. In fact, it may frequently happen that we do not feel like going to work on certain days; there is nothing wrong with that as everyone experienced those moments. But, as we cannot call sick every time, we grind and bear it then we leave for work. Besides, in case we get paid by wages missing work is to our detriment since we get only paid for our worked hours. Life can be tough, but it is life.
I remember that one of my cousins, after Martin Luther King day, which is a Monday in the United States, told me over the phone that she did not want to go back to work, and that she wanted to be a stay at home wife. She had enough of getting up early in the morning and having a boss over her all day long. Shortly after, I learnt that she called sick and therefore did not go to work, which of course was a lie.
One big mistake to avoid is officially becoming an at home mother before consulting your husband. It is a too serious matter to make him face a fait accompli; such decisions are made together not alone; Otherwise, beware to storms!
Being a stay at home mother may not be feasible because there is too much at stake.What about the household, stability, and the kids’ future? The overall couple’s financials situations, including debts. If both of you are already swamped with debts and struggle to make ends meet, I am afraid that this status may not be for you. Persevering in dropping out your job, will be like saying hello to grave problems.
That news can be like a shock to him, as a result, we should give him time to go over it to calmly and coldly think about it. We may convince him as many parents cannot picture another person taking care of their babies. For them it will be a sign of disinterest.
Becoming a stay at home moms may be appealing for many women because, we can see our child growing in front of our eyes and not missing any of his\her milestones, also this way were could be sure that he receive all the needed care. Yes, not all women like sending their offspring to a crèche/daycare or just hiring a babysitter. We know that our baby will not be exposed to negligence nor mistreatment. As well, some moms cannot completely believe that anybody else will care as much they do.
For example, it was so difficult for my sister to send her kids to daycare that she put her career on hold, and stayed at home till the kids got accepted to attend school. In the news, there are so many stories of babies and kids who got abused by their caregivers that make us want to be the sole caregiver of our precious offspring. Nevertheless, such a decision should always be taken and implemented after having the consent of our beloved. For many couples, being a stay at home mother can not only wake havoc on their finances, but also in their personal life.
If your husband is really against you becoming an at home mom, the best thing is not to do it, if you do not want to navigate troubled waters.
There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, just not take the decision alone, always include your husband, and together plan it well. It is a family choice. Without a steady income, our purchasing power get reduced very quickly as we have obligations to meet, and there is not enough money, to keep the balance at a desire level. As a result, economic well-being is an important factor to consider when taking this decision.
Welcome to the stay at home world!
