Everybody is different, even identical twins do not do the same things at the same time therefore each person is unique and as such has his/her own personality, which includes things she/he likes such as watching horror movies, put three sugar cubes in the morning cup of coffee, while you drink yours without adding sugar.
In this context, there are plenty of habits, and behavior that your perceive at normal, and therefore see why not keep doing them; for example, soaking your peanut butter toast in your coffee, thing that your significant other finds gross as pieces of the bread swim in the coffee. Hence it is to be expected that you may not like some of things your other half does, or and says.
I am pretty sure there is not only one thing that you dislike in her, there are many but, does everything deserved to be criticized.
Criticism can be constructive, I will not disregard that. Often times it helps to improve ourselves by seeing other ways of thinking, better things our actions; in that regard it is not a bad thing to put critics. But for this to go smoothly, we should be as tactful as possible, in this case it becomes an art also. The art of finding the right words to address the situation without making your significant other feels upset, mad, and bad. Depending on the matter you want her to change so that your life by her side becomes easier, that you are not
But do we wish to change everything that we do, the way we behave, change our mindset in order to please him, to meet his expectations, hmm, I highly doubt it. Who likes to be criticized, overall it is many times a week, many times a day, it is too much on her, she will end up being unhappy, fed up, mad and will lash out. And you guys will say hello to arguments. Is this what you wish? What both of you want? I am sure not.
And the thing that makes the matter worse it is it relentless pattern. Come on give her a break. You cannot be on her all the time, as that has a negative impact on her mental well-being.
Janet, my coworker use to telling me about her husband’s behavior towards herself. When he comes home after work, the negatives comments start. Did you make supper, why you did not, what where you doing that makes you not being able to cook supper for your family? There is plenty of dirty dishes sitting in the sink, they have being here since two days. An then he continues like this, since the day before yesterday you did not wash all the utensils and bowls used for the lasagna and the salad, yesterday we ate leftovers and you still haven’t wash them. It is not good for dirty dishes o pile up in the sink. A clean person doesn’t do that. And look at the floor, the kids threw food on it while eating and you did not wipe it when occurred. Look at it now, it is dried on the kitchen tile. My dear you should be on top of your cleaning, to keep the house clean and fresh. Also, you should give a good example to the kids.
As Janet got overwhelmed by all that, she answered, him like this, if you do not want dishes to pile up in the sink while do not you wash them. As for the dried food residues in the floor of the kitchen nook do you know you can clean them as well, this way you as a good father show to them that everybody should work to keep the house clean.
She confessed to me that her response to him were out of spite, that she has enough of being criticized, she felt like that he does not see her as his wife, his equal, but as someone who is there to cook, take care of the kids and the house. That her life beside him it is not as enjoyable as before, and if he continues like this and does not change she barely see herself staying by him side in the future.
In addition, all that occurs right in front of her kids, that show them not to respect their mom, and to criticize women and other people as it looks like a normal thing to do.
That why is he constantly against her, why he hates her like that? Where has gone the nice guy she met years ago. She does not even see him as a lover, a husband a confident, a friend anymore, to her he becomes just someone who keeps criticizes all the time.
In the beginning when that occurs you may say ok, as everybody has flaws some of mines may make the relationship not easy going so I have to work on them. However, when that does not stop it becomes bothersome. You may ask why he is acting like that, he also has flaws but not pointing at them every single days. And you guess if you start doing that, soon he will explode.
Someone who does that is toxic, and the spinoffs can be quite severe on mental health. Although some may not believe it, those are things that put marriages, and relationships at risk. Do not do that for little things.
What often happens it is that people criticize so much that they forget to compliment their significant others. There should be a balance between the amount of compliments and the critics, as when the scale tilt too much in the wrong side things get heated.
Take a moment to think about it. Try to remember how many times you have been judgemental today, and how many days in the week do you do so. Do you think she is happy with that? Do you think the way you do it will make her want to do what you reproach her? Do not you think this is enough? One of my cousins told me she was going to take care of the garbage but as he was too harsh on her she would not do this anymore, he would have to do it himself.
Do not let your spouse be that critical toward you without doing anything. Tell him how annoyed you are, that you feel like an idiot , a person who does not know how to do anything. Let him know that on your own you figure out things to do quite easily, and if any help is needed you will let him know.
Guys constant critics make relationships unhealthy, remember to compliment your significant other as well!
