When we are madly in love we not only want our better half to know it, but we also want to shout it from the rooftops so that the whole world knows it. In addition, this is to prove the beloved person how much we cherish him\her; how special he or she is, and that he/she owes an important place both in our in our heart and our life. This is the honeymoon phase.
Generally speaking, in the beginning of a sentimental relationship, the ‘I love you, you are my everything, you are the apple of my eyes you mean so much to me, I adore you, I got you under my skin, I can’t live without you’, and the like are typically on a daily basis, not to say several times a day depending on the couples.
When by mutual agreement the 2 people decide to live together under the same roof, either united in marriage or in common law, declaring their love to each other regularly continues, so everything is alright. As a result, reading those words or /and whispering sweet words, occur so often on a regular fashion, that it ends up being a habit deeply entrenched in the couple’s life.
But quite often, down the road, things take a different turn; sweet talking is increasingly scarce or even stops all of a sudden without any explanation whatsoever. As a consequence, it is thus quite normal to find that sweet nothings scarcity weird and to wonder why it ended because it was unexpected; at least not that soon.
That was exactly my case; early on in our conjugal life my husband, a very romantic guy in my opinion, or maybe I should correct myself and say at least in the very the beginning, pleasantly surprised me by leaving love letters under the pillow on my side of the bed, in the living room on the coffee table or the side tables. At night before falling asleep he whispered sweet words into my ears; I was over the moon, and I saw life through rose teinted lenses. Needless to say how pleased I was and how much I believed in his love for me. I was just used to his sweetness, and loved it. However, after living together for a good while, sweet talks as well as love cards on the tables have ceased and did not comeback. Without exaggeration, the last sweet word was more than a year ago.
Why did he go silent about his feelings for me?
After turning and tossing the idea in my head for a few days, I decided to take the matter into my hands and started to declare my love for him on a frequent basis while secretly hoping the same thing in return. As a result, I have rarely got a timid ‘Me Too’ and most of the time all I got was only a heavy silence that echoed. This strategy has simply failed as it did not have the desired effect of inducing spontaneous I love you.
As my first attempt did not pay off, I did not give up; instead I tried another thing.
My second tactic was to take greater care of my appearance. In that respect, I have bought a couple of new clothes including some fine lingeries, and I have started to use makeup again. I opted for nude eyeshadow colour palettes, a couple of nude lipsticks, and lip-gloss. When wearing makeup I sometimes pair a nude lipstick with a subtle smokey eyes look, which goes well with my complexion. Although he is not of a huge fan of makeup, honey likes that look. Unfortunately all my efforts were still in vain. Still no sweet talking, no love notes across the house. Hmm is it for real? Is this time over?
I have even wondered if he was still into me, if he still found me beautiful and attractive, and if I was still the type of girl who he felt in love with, the woman he asked to live with. That was when I have started to have suspicion about his faithfulness. Yes I confessed that I thought about a rival. At that very moment, I said to myself woman stop it! Your imagination was too fertile.
After giving it some thoughts and talking with some couples with years of experience under their belt, I come to the realization that the answers could be unique or multiples.
Actually, it is important to note that with the passing of time, our husband or partner does not feel the need to keep claiming his love repeatedly. Likewise, he may think that after doing so over and over again and for so long the message has got through. Therefore, no need to repeat it anymore; the answer could be that simple.
Here are two other examples which could answer our questions.
Not keep saying I love baby, nor leaving love notes do not, however, automatically mean that he is becoming less interested in us, nor he is unfaithful, nor he has become distant. Our husband/common law partner still loves us and does care for us.
So, how do we try to get things moving?
First of all, we do not worry anymore. We should never hesitate to talk to our honey telling him how much we appreciated all those love notes. However, if subsequently things have not improved, it is be time to take the second stake. This consist of making it clear that we miss all that display of tenderness and affection.
Very often things work out at this point, which was my friend’s Jenny case. But for me, it did not work. Sometimes we must go right to the point and say honey it was nice reading your love notes and listening to all those sweet talks, and it would do me good to listen them again. If we do not open up, he may never know that was important to us.
As well, we could ask him why he stopped those attention touches. In this way we invite him to explain everything; he can even start to do it again, You never know.
To conclude I will say that it is agreeable to be loved and feeling it through simple things such as love notes and declaration of love. However, there are many other ways to express feelings,show tenderness and attention. Means such as hugs, kisses are more than explicit as they are self explanatory. At that point we should be reassured about his feelings for us. So, as long as there are no other signs, other red flags, like not looking at us with the same intensity, becoming cold and distant,not hugging and caring for us and especially very scarce lovemaking, do not worry ladies, he is still into us.
Now we know the reasons why we do not hear or see I love as often as before. Sometimes we just worry for nothing.
Did that happen in your relationship? How soon in the relationship did it occur? Did you have the courage to ask him why? Did the situation improve, if yes how?
Do not forget that problems shared are half solved.
