The title says it all, today’s topic is about all the husbands who ignore wives and kids when having friends over. When being ignored, you feel that the person you are being ignored for is more important in your husband’s eyes than you, that you worth nothing. That is both upsetting and frustrating.
Although I mainly talk about husbands, wives can do the same thing as well, but this is very rare that a mother ignores her kids. Personally, I do not know any moms who act in such a reprehensible way, because maternal instinct is such a strong bond, unless that mom has mental issues. Which case we cannot put the blame on her; what that mother will need is medical help.
Nobody like being ignored, even less by someone who you love, someone who is supposed to be there for you in any situation, someone you should always count on; as a consequence this behavior leads to troubles in the couple.
In the same context, no moms will accept that their dear children being ignored and sad because of their dad’s behavior. Which mom likes to see her kids sad? Mothers usually do things to please their children, to put a smile on their faces, and to fill their heart with joy.
Someone that I am very close to finds herself in similar circumstances with her husband James. Whenever James’ friends are over, he acts as if he was a single individual with no kids, which enrages Josephine, his wife. Usually he spends hours and hours, if not the whole day, without caring or interacting with his daughter Caroline. As a results, every time that she sees her dad’s friends coming over, she instantly feels very sad and will burst into tears for the most part.
In such cases, she does everything to console and distract her daughter, like going to play in the park, or in the mall with other kids. Or even going to enjoy her daughter’s favorite dessert, which is cheesecake, or to eat in a nearby restaurant. Sometimes they just go for a car ride, or for a walk in the neighborhood. In moments like that, she will even give her junk food if she asked for it as it is not the moment to add up to her frustration, and sadness.
Josephine resents her husband, and feels so sorry for her daughter. Her resentment teems from the fact that he not only puts someone first before Caroline, but also for him not to be sensitive before the little girl’s distress. He is heartless.
Repeatedly putting Caroline in that situation triggers Josephine frustration and anger. As a mom who never wants to see her baby sad, she will do everything to put back a smile on her child face, and for the tears to stop.
Poor little girl! each time she sees one of her dad’s friend home, she immediately starts to complain. When asked why she is sad her answer is I am crying because Brian is here. The mom ends up not liking that friend, as according to her, he is responsible of her daughter sorrow. For her this friend is not welcome at her place; out of frustration, she also let him know that is not welcome there, but he acts as if he does not understand anything and keeps paying regular visits.
To me the first culprit is the husband not the friend. When you are in a relationship or in a marriage, you should care more for your significant other. While enjoying some free time and having fun with friend is a normal and acceptable thing, ignoring your own kid at the point for her to become that sad and shed tears every time she sees your friend coming over is definitely something wrong.
By no means, enjoying your friends’company does not and should not prevent you from also caring for your wife and especially for your kids. Handle the situation well by managing to have a few minutes for a kind gesture like a cuddle, a smile; also, do a little chat with your kids. That way, they will not feel put aside, and will not be unhappy.
Likewise, while cuddling with your children, tell them how much you love them, but that you are going to be with your friends for a while that afterwards you will spend time with them again. Explained that way, your kids will be more inclined to wipe the tears and go back playing with their toys. You see that does no cost a lot of time! And it is easy done.
Although all the blame is put on the dad, the friend should take some as well because he is well aware of the situation. In fact, he knows that his visits are many times followed by arguments, but this is not his business because he keeps coming to have fun with his friend and behave as if he does not know anything or it does not matter to him, which is even worse in my opinion. What kind a friend it is this! How can he not be moved by that little girl who cries at each one of his visits . Does he never mention that to his friend for them together to find a solution to this issue.
Guys you have to find a balance between your friends and your own family. After all, who is more important, your friends or your daughter, your own blood? The answer is our family without any doubt. Our spouse and kids are to be put first, as a parent we have the obligation to bring joy to our kids’ life and not the opposite. Indeed, we should not put tears in our kids’ eyes unnecessary as life is too short; we should rather enjoy our kids as much as possible and as often as possible. This bond will create and emotional balance that last lifetimes.
Let’s not ignore our kids when having friends over because that hurt them!
