Having sex is a great thing in a marriage. Indeed, playing together erotically, enjoying each other is awesome. Today I am not going to tell you how long sex should be, rather what I am addressing here is foreplay, all that enjoyment before the real sex, the intercourse. Plenty of people care a great deal about it. But others give it less importance.
I am about to relate what my friend Lynn, told me about her next door neighbor. What was it exactly? Hmm, that woman, I mean Lynn’s neighbor, complained about her husband of more than 10 years. Of course, she was in love with her husband and still in love with him to date; however, the way he was having sex with her was not good in her views. In fact, every time they had sex her husband goes to straight to the thing, not to play with it first, which will still be preliminary, but for the sexual act which does not only make her feel unhappy but also not satisfied sexually speaking. Furthermore, it was in that woman’s eyes a sign of lack of care, lack of respect for her. That was even seen as sheer selfishness.
At that time, I was surprised to hear that as I could not imagine it was like that in bed between her husband and her.
Contrary to what people think, women are not the only ones to complain about preliminary issues, men may do so as well; in fact, I remember another couple who faced that same problem just a few years ago. Let me tell you more about them. The husband, Peter, said to his life partner, Nancy, that he did not like the fact that foreplay was almost nonexistent was negatively affecting his sexual enjoyment.
On a given morning, shortly after getting intimate, Peter’s wife partner was so happy that she said to him: baby that was so awesome, I feel so good that I don’t even want to leave the bed, take a shower, get dressed and head to work. Only staying in bed and falling asleep again was all that she felt like doing. Her husband looked at her but did not concur, and kept silence. In her minds, he was as satisfied as she was because he seemed that he had an orgasm.
Later, when coming back home, Nancy mentioned to him how they enjoyed it that morning; to her dismay, his reply was I hate you. What? Did he say he hate her? what was wrong with him? It was then, he opened up about the lack of preliminaries during sexual intercourse. And according to Peter, that was not a first time nor a second time occurrence.. Longer lasting foreplay was needed as one minute, two or three minutes of cuddling,petting and caressing each other was definitely not enough. Starting to get frustrated and unhappy, Nancy’s answer was the following : really, I did not know about it. Why are you only telling me that only now and not before. Such matters must be addressed early on.
To his dismay, she says I do not know why you want very long foreplay, I wonder if I satisfy you altogether, if you really want to have sex with me, because if that is really the case, very long foreplay will not be wanted. And what she mentioned afterward could be surprising; many times that foreplay lasted for a long time nothing else happened, to her dissatisfaction. The fact of not getting total satisfaction erotically speaking combined to hubby falling asleep rapidly while things were still in foreplay stages triggered frustration. which prompt her to asked to herself if that was the only effect she had on him.
Was something wrong with her? Or with him? You never know, he might have less and less desire for her and did not wish to talk about that, as this topic is extremely sensitive. Or maybe, what if, what if he was seeing someone else, after all you never know; as as far as she knows, hubby was part of the guys who really enjoyed their thing, you see what I mean guys.
Engaging in preliminaries and not knowing whether it was going to end with sexual intercourse, because it’s how it should be or almost must be, was not healthy for sexual enjoyment on the long run. Sometimes, only showing affection was OK for Nancy, but getting her totally naked, and subsequently letting her believe that it was only for cuddling, hmm don not play with her like that, she is not a foul, do not pull her leg. No, do not do that to her as there was no way for her to accept that.
As an answer Peter stated that he might fall asleep during the preliminary which was normal.
Nancy rebuttal was why in the world if you are tired, like you say, you want to initiate intimacy., I do not get that, you sleep first, and when you waking up if the desire is still alive, start to let me know that we can make up, that will make more sense to me.
However, Peter does not see anything bad with that, he starts smooching,kissing, and petting, then he maybe sleepy, then he sleeps. When waking up he can catch up. To him, that is building up foreplay. Whatever! Never in Nancy’s whole life she had heard something like that.
When it comes to lovemaking desire is important and I will not deny it, but foreplay is of great interest as well; altogether they make a good package. Therefore things done in that sequence are very rewarding for many. Arousal first then foreplay which is followed by the sexual act. For women, most of the times, foreplay is needed to get them wet which in turn ease penetration; Men may need it as well to make the pleasure more enjoyable, to reach orgasm. Knowing your partner either male or female body well and be attentive to his/her desire, pay attention the cues to make those moments very enjoyable not only for you but for your other half as well
Guys foreplay is very important to spice things up, lack of it can be problematic; too short, it may not give your partner enough time to fully enjoying the sexual act. At the same time, it should not be too long either, as that can get to frustration, an abort the act. Talk to your partner is experiencing that, as together you can find the balance.
