Marriage is give and take
Before tying the knot, for the most part, the countdown seems too long, but living together comes also with some issues that need work in order to have a successful and a happy marriage. One of the things that makes a marriage work it is to give and to take in return; attaining that balance is an important element in any healthy marriage or committed living conditions.
Taking all the time without giving back can undermine any marriage. In that situation all that seems happening is that one partner is taking advantage of the other one. Yet, taking advantage of someone all the time is a sign of egotism: me, myself and I. Seeking for your own well being, your own satisfaction is what motivates you the most. As the beneficiary of all that attention and care, and depending on your type of personality, this situation makes you feel like a king, or a queen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have something back sometimes, as a person, a human being has wants, desires, and dreams. All that are normal things to expect from the significant other; sadly, this latter does not care too much for them.
Are you really happy when you give, give, and give without getting anything back? How can you put someone who does not care too much for you first?
Love means your well being, my wellbeing, and our wellbeing; I take care of you, and also you take care of me.
About eight years ago, I was at my friend Vanessa place for a few days and while in the bathroom I heard her talking over the phone with her common law partner, and what I heard was quite surprising.
Lot of reproaches came out of Vanessa’s mouth demonstrating Paul’s high level of selfishness while she did a lot of for him. She was just taking for granted, and her partner’s attitude told us as if she had not done anything at all for him.
In Vanessa’s views, Paul was an ungrateful husband who acted as if she had to do those things for him; which was killing Vanessa. Paul when your car was broken, I was the one who took care of it and paid the mechanic bill; you knew my opinion about having more pets at home and you agreed with that.
But to my surprise, coming back home from my trip to Hawaii, I realized that you bought a puppy, although I was not happy with that, I accepted it because the two cats are mine, you maybe wanted to have your own pet, but you never took care of him.
Almost everything at home was on me. Running the errands, cooking dinners, doing the dishes are on me, the only thing left for you Paul to do was to take the garbage out which you had not done regularly lately. Do not take me for a fool, I love you this is the reason I do all that for you, you do not pay rent, and you only participate in than less 25 % of all of the household expenses while you have a fulltime job.
Vanessa’s anger and disappointment stemmed from not receiving almost anything back while she gave that much during all that time. Paul was seen as an opportunist, who took advantage of everything his significant other could offer while barely caring for her. A change was needed as she got to the point that enough were enough.
When doing everything for someone, you just spoil him or her, and in the mind of a large number of spoiled people, your actions are only guided by the fact that you do not want to lose them; therefore they show their true color as they feel so important. No need to say that they do not care for the love is give and take.
Although it maybe be true that the other person does not want to lose you, she or he just wants for their partner’s life to be an easy breeze. When based on give and take, your marriage or relationship has more chances to succeed as this way there will be less complaints, more respect, more love, and reciprocity. Which is what you are searching for or should look for in your relationship.
When you give and do not have anything in return, it is worth wondering where is the love? A successful marriage is one where the other partner has also the chance to grow, to make his or her dreams and aspirations becoming true; for that to happen all your support your support when her or his go through rough patches, love, help, your respect is necessary. Remember that by saying I do, you take the pledge to love, cherish, take care of your sweetheart to allow them to bloom, to be happy and to grow, not to be used and to suffocate. Always remember that a good and solid marriage is to give and to take.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to give and automatically hope the same thing in return, No, this is not a transaction; it is love, not a calculated thing which will not be healthy in a relationship. Here what is given comes naturally as it comes from the bottom of your heart. You should complement each other, but not being blind and pretending not noticing your partners’ selfishness just out of fear of loosing him or her. A significant other who has true love for you will give you his or her all.
Be grateful for everything that you get from your partner not only for day one, but every single day; the two of you guys should grow together. Do not let everything on your partner’s shoulders, instead make your committed relationship or your marriage equitable, because when enough is enough, either life can become rapidly unbearable. You get a partner who is mad almost 24 /7, who complains quite often, or who gets apart from you and be in a bad mood.
By not taking only without giving back, you show your appreciation, every time your partner receives something back from you, that brightens his or her day as it means that she or he can count on you, you are the sounding board, your are a person who he or she can trust, you do care for him or her, and she is important to you. Or if you like it better this way in a marriage, I give and you give as well
As all that is freely offered to you, the least you can do is to show your appreciation, and stop taking your sweetheart for granted. Don’t search your own interest only, rather search for what is beneficial for your couple.
Ten years from you do not want to have regrets, and feel resentful because you gave, gave, gave so much, and barely asked for anything in return. Make sure to achieve the give and take balance!
