If my memory serves me right, I have already said that yet but I am going to repeat it again today, every single couple at some point in their family lives will face conflict, so no couple is exempted including my husband and I, you and your spouse as well. What makes all the difference and helps you guys, it is definitely the way in which the matter is handled. Either it is well managed which allows it to get promptly solved, or it is poorly taking care of and it lingers or even gets worse.
Some people are good at managing conflicts while others are not so good at it. I have always admired people who have the tools to do that. I know it is not an easy thing as you need to put your ego on the side to work on the problem in order to come up with a solution and enjoy your spouse and be happy together. Well although it is not easy, it is not impossible either, if some people do it many more can do it to live a better life in peace love and harmony.
For some people I can say that is innate because they do know how to address the issue. I remember that I was in a tour in Argentina where there was a woman in the sits right in front of me with her husband and their two grandsons. There was a start of fight, promptly it got aborted due to Alicia, the woman in the front sit, and the way it was handled got me amazed. She had the right words along with the adequate tone to reverse the situation,; what blew my mind was the fact that she did not raise her voice or nothing like that, but very calmly she took care of the situation.
Like Alicia, many people, men and women, possess high resolution of conflicts skills, but others have less. What matters it is to first analyze your ability of solving disputes, then to correctly take the matters in hand to improve it.
By improving your problem solving skills, your marital life will become easier; communication which is a pillar of all good marriages will be so much better. Knowing when to talk is important as the situation can escalate to the point of becoming very toxic. When that occurs, more conflicts arise , more bad words are pronounced, more blames are placed on the significant other and the vicious circle will carry on.
Imagine your husband and you having an argument, and you realize that things start to get heated, in a moment of frustration and anger, if your conflicts resolution skills are poor you will be more inclined to reply back which may fuel the whole situation. Believe me nothing is going to get resolved by taking that road.
I have been always in an awe by a women which in her fifties and live with her 2 daughters, one is 28, and the other has just turned 23. The youngest daughter is married and have a son. Together they live under the same roof, I mean the mom her two daughters her grand son and her son in law. When her daughter has a fight with her husband, or vice versa, her intervention most of the time lessens the level of tension and sort of solves the issue in question.
She is most of the time gets in control of her emotions to help her child and her son in law. That does not mean that she does not get upset or angry, no she just has the ability not to let all her emotions and feelings transpire which allows her to deal with the matter accordingly. According to her explanations, when in a situation where both people got heated many times the situation doesn’t not go nowhere good. In fact, it often takes a turn for the worse.
On the other hand, when one person has good conflict resolution skills, he or she can quickly assess the situation, and decides if the conversation can keep going without causing any further hurts, in this case the partners or the spouses are, of course,willing to listen to each other and not just listening to their own ego. In the event that the situation is too complicated, the need for cooling down is necessary. In that respect, at least one person must remove himself/herself from the situation altogether by living the room, or the place, or just not continuing with the topic if that alone can help but at lot of times going away it what is necessary.
According to the mother of the two women, Jenny, the fact that emotions are very high can make people be blind of the real situation and or not finding out the proper way or ways to address it to get to either to the solutions or good alternatives.
I cannot help but backing her up in her way of seeing things because that will avoid us, so many times, saying words, things, and having bad behaviors; all that are things that we later will regret having said and done, but unfortunately we cannot take them back. There is always the danger that our spouse may resent us for our bad attitude toward her/him, keep in mind that some people hold grudges for quite a long time. Also we will avoid taking decisions Although conflict resolution skills is not the base of a relationship, it does help a lot in make go on, and having peace of mind as those issues does not last days, weeks, or even months.
Guys I definitely think that it will be good for you to take the time to think about your conflict resolution skills. How good they are? In case they are not very good, do not you think that now it is maybe the time to start working on it to tackle and solve problems, issues, and conflicts faster in order to make your marriage or relationship way better? What are you waiting for to take action?
