Trust is an important element, a pillar, in a relationship and a marriage, if it is not one of the most crucial values that cements it. Trust takes time to be built; it is not something that comes out overnight. As a matter of fact, when we first meet someone, even if we like that person he/she does not automatically earn our trust at 100%. Who trust someone he/she just has met to the point of blindly count on him/her?
If even babies learn not to trust people they see for the first time in their surroundings, we are not that naïve to grant our faith to the first one who comes around. No, mentally healthy people do not do that.
It is too risky for many reasons. Who knows if that person is a spy sent by a competitor to give back information about a project you are working on? Who wants a rival to, out of the blue, come with exactly the same project and get it patented before he does so? Who knows if he or she is not a sexual predator? It is only with the passing of time that we learn to trust that person.
On one hand, it may take three years for someone to gain our faith. because you go through his values and flaws over good amount of time to not only weigh hem but also to assess their consistency.
On the other hand, it takes less than a day to lose it. This same in which we confided for 20 years and one day something happens and we stop confide in that person anymore. When lost, trust is difficult to regain it. Generally, who wish to get frayed, feel unsafe and vulnerable twice or many more time? As a consequence, regaining trust may entails a colossal amount of work both on the person’s side as well as on our side. So avoid engaging in behaviors that lead toward losing it.
A household where there is a lack of trust or a quite low level of it is not the same anymore; something is definitely missing. Instead of being two persons into one where they depend on each other, like married people should be,they start thinking and acting in a selfish manner. The significant other is not seen with the same eyes like before Things stop being spontaneous, we become distant and are not willing to engage and share things like before. It will not come as a surprise if we get to the point to see him/her as a rival, an enemy! Every time family life is not fun anymore, stress buildups as well has unhappiness.
I am pretty sure that you will not put your trust in that person to keep telling secrets nor you will still count on him/her? I am afraid no; we have to do everything possible not to loose it.
Betrayal is a big thing that refrains us from trusting again. Too often, what should be held on the condition of secrecy is rapidly divulge.
I, personally have seen too many cases like this. I remember that my cousin, Lovely, had a new neighbor that she quickly become friend with. The two were were inseparable. In the course of only five or six months they became their worse enemies. Out of spite, my cousin even divulged everything she said about another neighbor; which was not good. Things that have been discussed between the two of you should stay between you both, no third party should be aware of it. Secret are meant to be kept, not to be broken!
Because I cherished and had faith in hubby, I told him about something quite scary that occurred to me and I made him swear not to reveal to anybody. What happened next got me in dismay. The very day everything was divulged to that person; as a results, I ended being in big trouble. I was devastated it was that I did not know him enough. How could he dare do this to me? At that moment, I told him he would never get informed or know anything that should be a secret. What was more shocking is the fact that I begged him to never tell that.
For him that was not a big deal, it seems like he could not or refuse to understand the magnitude of his action and stated that he did not see why trust was lost, and that he did not deserve that. I told him if I needed that person to know that fact, he would have been from my own mouth and not from his.
Trust also means to keep our promises.
Broken promises could happen in any relationship, depending on the topic and the circumstances it can be acceptable. Sometimes despite trying your best to make it happen, unfortunately you fail to realize it. In such circumstances your spouse, even disappointed should be able to understand that and not resent you and not holding you accountable for it. But when occurred with frequency, the situation does not smell good at all.
Avoid promise things you know you cannot make happen, it is a lie, or tremendously difficult to come true.Rather phrase it differently; you would try your best but do not guarantee anything.
The eager to please your wife may make you to promise quite challenging things. For her part, she is counting days and hours too excited, cannot even wait. Guess what, disappointment. Not even a small piece of the promise took place.
Sadly, you are no longer credible on most of things you may swear you to accomplish in a certain time-frame. Your spouse may not believe them anymore and do not even pay attention to what you are saying, bearing in mind that is not going to happen.
The quality of life in such a relationship is not a source of envy for others couples. Who wants or likes being in a relation where your counterpart does not believe every single of yours words. On the other side, it is so hard on your spouse because she cannot trust you anymore overall when having something to say whether to feel relieved, or to obtain a good piece of advice. However, doubting about whether you going to say it to someone else and sabotage everything acts as a hamper.
Guys try not to do things that lead your spouse to stop trusting you anymore; that is not fun!
