Would you like your significant other to compare you with his/ her ex? We are pretty sure that your answer is no, so tell us why do you keep doing that to him/her. Yes, why are you doing to others things you won’t like them to do to you? Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself; this is one of the best piece of advice that we can give to you.
Actually, what can be more disagreeable, more annoying than being constantly compared to other people, mainly if the critics come from someone you love and the person you are being compared with is other half’s ex; that hurts even more.
My cousin Lisa reported to me that, many times, while talking about the father of her first born Elisabeth, raving about how good he was to her and their daughter and how she missed all the good things he did for them, Jean, her current husband, got mad and accused her of always comparing him to that guy. If he was such a good person, if he was that great, why did he not buy you a condo, or a house, He did nothing for your daughter and you as he practically let you both in the streets; when I met you Lisa, you were struggling to pay your two bedroom rent.
To my cousin her husband Jean was just jealous, which sounds ridiculous as he was jealous of a person who is not even breathing anymore, someone who passed away years ago. However, my cousin maybe did not realize that the way she did it was not very innocuous. In fact, she was sort of comparing him to her daughter’s father. Although it was not completely overt, jean felt hat all that raving was directed to him, and he got upset, he got mad, and let his wife know it by venting.
People are not comparable because everybody is unique with their own flaws and virtues. Although it is understandable that sometimes some flaws are quite hard to stand, the best thing to do it is to address them; yes put on the table what you reproach your other half to see how together you can either arrive at a solution or find alternatives that meet the needs of you both. Comparing your significant other to your ex is not going to solve anything, on the contrary, you are just throwing more oil on the fire. In other terms, you risk to just make the situation worse.
Doing so you are just creating insecurities in your partner, imagine if he/she was even insecure so you see how your behavior, your words are aggravating it. According to your words, your ex has better qualities than your current life partner; and or this latter has worse defects than your former lover or spouse. You know what is even more degrading is that the current spouse has to make efforts, yes you read it well, to do stuff that his/her ex used to do.
Wait a minute, if it should be that way, your partner just want to be in a relationship with his/her ex’s clone; to make it easier for him/her, why he/she doesn’t go back to that ex altogether?
Mom’s friend, Julianna, related to her how her common law partner compared her to his late wife may times they argue or during moments of critics; which was to her dislike. According to Julianna, those moments were offensive and almost unbearable. His late wife was the best wife in the world, as he describes her, while she feels that comparing to his former wife, she is nothing. But she wanted to be loved for who she is.
Let’s talk abut Germaine’s case now. Germaine said that for sure she got hurt when her husband criticizes her like that, but she bounces back right away and hurt him too; it is a tactic that allows her to kill two birds with one stone as she not only being defensive but she is also attacking him back. To pay him back with his own coins. This way she hopes he will feel the same way she does. Germain states oh well she is that good, she is a superwoman, so how come you let her go, so you are a fool then. Who do you think you can fool? She is definitely not better than me. If apparently your ex has all those qualities that make you want me to sort of be like her; and also the fact that you seem missing her that much; why don’t you get her back? In your shoes, this is what I will do.
Do not try to solve the problem when the comparisons are fusing and you got upset as the situation may not go anywhere. On the contrary, take the opportunity that a day that both of you are happy to put the matter on the table politely; do not accuse him/ her; rather talk about your feelings, how you feel every time he/she does that, and that you need that to stop as it is not only embarrassing, annoying, it is also a lack of respect. It seems that your sweetheart wants to change you, to turn you into a Janet/ a Paul, names of some former husbands/ wives, but you are not them and will never be like them. No. You are not like those exes and do not want that either as you have your own personality and it is what makes you who you are. Consequently you should be loved for yourself. That negativity has a bad effect on your relationship with him/ her and you do not want that.
Guys, I will never stop saying that, do not compare your wife, your husband to your exes, not two people are alike behavior, attitude, flaws, and virtues speaking, if you do not like something in your spouse or want it to be improved take another path, the dialogue road to address the problem and together find solutions or alternatives that will allow you guys fight less and enjoy each other so more.
