Unless your partner and you have got together at a very young age, like my friends Naomi and Chris who started to date at twelve without their respective parents’ approval, of course, your husband has let’s say one ex if it is not many. You, the current reader of this post, I am pretty sure you have exes as well. This is quite normal because in the flow of our lives as we meet people we may develop some feelings and as a results relationships are formed. And then later on, they or us, depending on the case, may think that we are not what they look for in a person and decide to put an end to the relationship and date other individuals.
Bringing a relationship to an end does not mean that we should not have anything to do with that person anymore, never get together anymore, to never talk to him or her from now on and for the rest of your life. Personally, I know many people who are good friends with their ex-lovers, which is totally fine to me.
Recently, I got surprised when the guest of a famous TV show stated that she befriend all her former lovers. What pops into your mind is how come she does that? Her tactic is to never let divergence in views, arguments, disputes go to the extent of saying bad words, got into physical fights, and hatred.; if all that is in the verge of occurring, she terminates the relationship right away. According to her, when their relationship starts to go sour, she knows that it will not get better; on the contrary it will get worse.
Apparently there is nothing wrong to be friends with your old flame, but, the problem is when those two people are too close. What do I mean by that? They are often over the phone even at odd hours, see each other from time to time, and there such a complicity between them, and it can seem that something more than a friendship there. Well that can be confusing for the other partner.
I remember than my cousin’s aunt said to her that it did not sound normal that her husband is in so close communication with his ex-wife. My cousin’s answer to her aunt was that is nothing to be suspicious of, they have a son together therefore it is obvious for them to talk from time to time as they have to raise him well.
In addition, her husband’s kid was giving trouble at school so both parents should attend parent-teacher conferences and events; then collaboratively see how to lead him back on a quite more righteous path.
That insinuation was not of my cousin’s liking because she did not want to doubt of hubby every time they in touch with his ex; that would be too stressful, and she did not want to find herself in such situations.
I understood what she told me, and thought that she might be right because when you have kids with someone even though you do not live together anymore or you are legally divorced there is a certain form of civility and communication that should exist for the sake of the child or children. But some people may say that old flame die hard. And that many people get together again after getting divorced, even tie the knot for a second time, or just because sex friends.
One of my cousin is like that, one day by seeing one of her ex-boyfriends, he jumped on him and began to kiss him. As he was recently married, he gently pushed her back while telling he still loves her but only as a friend now, that as she knows well he has someone else in his life now and respect their relationship therefore he will not cheat on her.
Some women out of the desire to demonstrate their power will just initiate or maintain a relationship with him for the sole and exclusive purpose of proving the wife that the man is theirs and they can have him back if they wish. This type of girls not only entices guys but also will do whatever it takes for the guy’s wife to know about the infidelity. This is their triumph, oh well they do savor it. To me this has nothing to do with victory because that is a pretty malicious behavior. This a sheer sign of selfishness, just trying to destroy a family that way.
Fortunately, all women do not have such ill thoughts and behaviors. Although I a do not have such a close friendship with Joseph, my former boyfriend, we are still fiends and whenever we see each other we do not stop hugging and chatting for a good while; sometimes I wonder what his wife will think and say if she happens to see us like that.
Joseph is just a good friend and he knows that he can count on me if he ever needs my help. Our relationship was nice when it does took a turn I did not like, I terminated it. He will never be in my heart again as a lover, but still has a place in it as a friend. I even give him some advice that this is his third wife so it better makes it work this time around.
One of my neighbor had a relationship with my cousin Annie, although the relationship ended since a long time, both people were tightly in contact and sometimes spoke during hours. She also developed some kind of friendship with that guy’s woman.
It is understandable that one may feel a little bit suspicion of your ex relationship and him as you know they were sentimentally involved but thinking that former emotional feeling might has been refueled.
Often times our imagination overflows and not only we stressed for no good reason, but also make him feels uncomfortable. That person and your hubby most of the times know each other long before he even meets you therefore it does not seem fair for him to cut his friendship with him just out of jealousy.
When their complicity level seems too excessive, just gently address the matter without making him uncomfortable, a cheater.
It is normal if your spouse is still friend with his ex!
