Of course it is good to be with someone that we appreciate enormously, to be in a relationship with that person. It is also good to have someone to lean on, and to share everything through good and bad times. As love is not only amazement, joy, but sometimes tears, pain and sadness invite themselves as well without permission. Someone who will not let us down at the first difficulties, so we can count on, and who will remain by our sides in whatever situations, and whatever challenges that we may face. It is that we all want, and dream about, isn’t it?
In a good number of instances, when we meet that person, the perfect man, the one we were waiting for such a long time, ‘The One’ finally arrives, he comes but not alone. In fact, he has kids, and even have been married. Well there you go, he fathered one or many kids before living under the same roof with us. So by accepting him we also accept his kids in our life.
Relationship with stepchildren is not a path that is always all rosy, which could trigger many problems. There are different scenarios, but some are encountered quite often.
First, take the example of the husband who spends less and less time with his spouse because of his children.
In our opinion, our husband spend too much time with his kids which means less time left to be spent with us. I remember that my cousin Jane who lived with her husband Thomas who has partial custody of his son during the weekend from Friday afternoon till Sunday evening. Every time he received his son, Josh, at his house, they both ended up sleeping in the same room and bed; this to the great dissatisfaction of his wife.
Do not think that him sleeping with his son was to satisfy Josh’s request. No, not at all. Thomas just wanted to do so. Jane was not against the idea of him sleeping with his son sometimes, but doing so every single weekend was nerve raking. This is not the behavior to be expected from a married man; he obviously acted as if he did not have a wife, which causes frequent disputes.
Let’s take another case
I remember that for family day my beloved, his son and I planned to spend the day out together. It was agreed that we go see a movie ,and that my step son’s friend Jaylin and her mom would join us at the movie theater.
However, after getting dressed in a blue jean and a light pink blouse and while putting the final touches to my makeup, I heard Colton asking if I was going out with them. Question to which his dad responded in the affirmative; then, the conversation went on between them and Colton stated that he did not want me to be with them at the cinema.
After a few minutes, Thomas announced that his son did not want me to go; therefore I would not accompany them, that I would stay home. Such a statement left me speechless, I was in shock, I wondered how he dared saying that to me. As I could not believe my ears, I asked him to repeat what he had just said. Never in my whole life nobody had talked to me in those terms; I felt extremely put down, rejected and humiliated.
I was not angry at Colton, he is just a kid, but I was mad at his father; the man who was so blinded by his son to accept his request. While in an emotional state, I asked him what place he gave me in his life and why did he put me in his life? Because it is clear that there was no place for a spouse, no room for me.
According to him, his reaction stemmed from the desire of being a good dad who wanted to keep his son happy so that he could have fun with his friend. I had to tell him to put himself in my shoes if I had told him that my kid did not want him to attend an event without justifiable reasons, just on a rim , how would he react? But as obviously he was not in my position; therefore he could not do that projection. So, I should accept their decision of not seeing the movie, or to see it on my own.
As I have been deeply hurt, I decided to go shopping and walked for a bit to change my minds. After calming down, I decided to have a very serious talk with Thomas. When they came back, he played it smart asking me to go out for grocery shopping with him. Given I was in a better mood, and I did not want to look non compliant, I accepted.
Once back home, I took the time to explain my feelings, my frustrations regarding that situation. As a few hours had gone by, he could understand a bit how I felt. I got that it was not easy for him since that was about his own blood, his kid. Besides, he did not want him to throw a tantrum which he had trouble to manage, according to him. As well, he did not want him to say, dad I do not love you anymore.
To put it bluntly, I did not agree with his way of viewing things. It is not good to spoil a kid to that point; this is frankly unacceptable eventhough he is what you most love on earth.
Do not think that I am a bad person, I am just human.
Did my feelings and my opinions matter? Fortunately, such an extreme situation happened only once. Also, he realized that he went too far in his reactions. But, he still pretended getting caught between a rock and a hard place.
To me that was not true as he was on his son’s side; then as an excuse he told me that he was just afraid Of Colton complaining to his mom,and for her to take advantage of the situation and have Colton’s total custody.
When the situation returned to normal Thomas had a talk with Colton explaining that I am also a member important of the family, and thus I would take part in most family outings and activities. So, from now on, situations like that one are not acceptable because everybody should enjoy those moments and have fun.
Welcome to the world of the blended family
