When will you come back is a sentence that I have heard countless times, and to be honest I do not hear it only but I said it as well. However; that simple sentence is not as simple as it may sound. There can be a lot of meanings behind it, a lot of things unsaid, a lot of insinuations.
My friend Geraldine used to call her husband Matthew to ask what time he planned to be back home. Yet, the last time that question was up in the air her husband’s answer was not kind at all. He said to her to mind her own business. The way Mathew talked was quite rude but I am not going to be that graphic here. In my friend’s case, she told me that she was just worried because it was about 1 am and he was still not home. Since there was no graveyard shift that night, she wondered what could keep him out that late.
What run through your minds when sweetheart stays late outside?
According to Geraldine, Matthew’s reaction was highly suspicious of someone who was cheating, a person who was hiding something. Yes suddenly it was crystal clear he was just cheating on her. Why didn’t he call to let her know that he was going to be late, why this absence of explanations about what kept him away from home?
There were no justified reasons for him to still be out in the middle of the night. Next time, as she thought that was not one time affair, she swore that she would not even check on him to be sure that he was not in any sort of trouble, nor getting in any accident. Upset, disappointed and angry, Geraldine went to her two daughters’ bedroom to make sure that everything was ok then headed back to bed without anymore thoughts for Matthew.
Do asking when you are coming back always means you have suspicions?
Of course there may be no ill intent behind that question. Willing to know at what time the other half will be home can come from good intentions as well. For instance, a mother can ask what time her husband will be home to know what time she can start to prepare dinner so that the food is not cold when he is back. Or if she has to wait for him so that they eat together or to just serve the food without him.
That question sometimes mean that I want to spend more time with you, I want to snuggle with you and not to be alone in bed. I would like to hang out more with you. You spend too much time with your friends and way less time with the kids and I; be more present at home.
Also, it can mean that I worry for you, I just do not want something to happen to you and for you to be all alone in such tough moments without any help.
Some people, like my mother, naturally tend to worry a lot and think that the worst has happened if their loved one does not come back home at a usual time. They will not hesitate to send him or her several text messages and ring his or her mobile so many times. So in order to feel relief they have to call to ask if everything is alright; otherwise their stress level will skyrocket.
For what reasons your partner stay out for a long time?
Because life is so toxic at home the significant other does not feel the urge to go back home to hear the same blame, and be the target of bad behaviors. Consequently, staying out after work instead of heading home straight away home is a strategy to escape all that drama.
Overloaded with work, your significant other may have to finish a project and forget to send a text to let you know that.
Sometimes time just flies, and he or she is not aware of it.
That may also be a red flag of infidelity; unfortunately that can also happen.
When your significant other is finally home how do you react?
Finally, your partner is back home; what do you do? And what do you tell him or her?
Do you wait for any explanations? Do you act as if nothing happened? Do you give the silent treatment?
I remember one of our neighbor, Kathia, who had an argument with her husband when I was a child. He hardly had stepped out of his car, that his wife began speaking aloud, and yelling at him. That type of behavior made several people including myself get out to see what was going on. As many neighbors were watching them, which made him feel embarrassed, Kathia’s husband stepped back in the car and left without having the chance to enter in his house.
Welcoming your significant other with blames and lot of questions like: where have you been? You have been cheating and there is no doubt about it as soon as he or she steps in the house can be very tempting. But is it the way to go?
Tips to handle that situation
The time has come to change that behavior to improve the quality of your relationship, of your marriage if your desire to know what time he is coming back home come from suspicions. That behavior can just stem from your insecurities. You want to keep your significant other by your side, but the way you handle the matter it is counterproductive.
A frank dialogue is much needed to identify the root of the problem and to find out the reasons why sweetheart is staying out late rather than being with you, and the kids.
Ask yourself why your partner does not want to come back? Is it because of you? Yes be frank with yourself. Are you sure you did not do or say something that bother your other half a lot?
How often those bad behaviors occurred? This can be a huge problem if that is not one time occurrence. In fact, knowing that is going to happen or has a great chance to be repeated can push your partner away from you. All that he or she wants, in this specific case, is to stay away from your troublesome behavior to have his or her peace of mind.
If your harsh words, your blames were going to solve the issue, it would have be already solved. Instead, that is keeping the two of you apart, which is not healthy for your marriage.
You do not want to be back home because of the toxic environment, remember that escaping the reality is not helpful, rather face it if your relationship still matters to you.
Guys, is your partner staying late outside instead of coming back home at a usual time? Do not instantly come with blames; in place of acting like that, change the way you handle the situation. Check out to see what is the cause of that situation; it can be rooted from your attitudes and behaviors or from your significant other’s behaviors.
