We human beings are born to be social, we do not exist nor evolve in a vacuum; in fact, we come into existence from a family with mom, dad, and for many of us we cohabit with other family members because several couples live in an extended family.
From earliest stages of life, our interaction with all those people is quite on a regular basis. We grow up that way, initiating friendship in daycare, then following with play-date. We also make friends with neighbors, meet people at work who later stop being coworkers to become good friends. In adulthood, workplace is one of the greatest place where we make friends.
When legally getting married or in a committed relationship, in the adulthood of course, both people bring theirs own friends into the marital life. Despite being social and courteous with our significant other, some of those friends will however only stay my friend and my husband’s: by that I mean when they come over it is mainly to visit me, I am also the one also the one they send message to, and email too, not him.
On his side, hubby also has his own circle of acquaintances and friends. That sounds good and I do not have anything against it as it is a normal thing; besides his commitment with me, he also has and he is entitled to a private life as well; which I must respect. In some cases, my friends may become good friend with my husband as a result they is are real mutual friends.
Having mutual friends is beneficial for the relationship; both spouses’ companionship is desirable as they are well regarded by their friends. In case they face hardships and problems, they tend not to take sides, not being judgmental, at least this is the role they should play, and help as much as they can, and this not without the couple’s approval for sure.
Beside parents and other close family members, when facing a though situation in their marital life they often turn to those close friends to seek advice or just to vent; as sometime they need someone to talk to get the problem out of their chest to feel better. Most of the time we are receptive to their friends’ advice and quickly implement it. Sometimes that works other times it does not.
When it comes to my friends, as soon a problem pops up they tend to see me as a victim and put all the blame on my spouse, the bad one in their views. Whether it may seem odd, that behavior comes from a good place with the right intentions, there is no malice in it at all. This is not always right but they may be biased by their feelings and emotions.
When disputes arise in our shared social circle presence, as we know well every couple, every relationship has good and bad moments; or when one or both members of the couple bring the matter to them, they tend to either stay neutral, letting both parties handle the situation to find a solution or minimally, rarely intervene. Any given advice should be for the well-being of the spouses’ relationship so that they are able to restore and maintain an healthy relationship where both parties are happy, strive, and thrive.
By no means, I am saying, or encourage the habit of bringing personal issues to mutual shared friends every time they occur. No; personal disputes should be resolved between the two of you; many times bringing them to unqualified, unprofessional individuals do more harm than good. In some case their insights can be solicited; however, that should not become a custom.
As those are friends of both of my and me husband, spending time with them will be something that happen more frequently and quite easily as they enjoy being in our company.
When plans are made they agree to them quite rapidly, and vice versa. Hanging out together, organizing parties and counting us among their guests happen quite frequently.
Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that every time you go out it has to be with them. No, this does not sound good and is neither wise. Nor am I saying that you friends should be in common.
Too many shared friends means too much time spending in their company, which instead could be invested into the relationship. In fact, weekends and even weekdays will involve gatherings, partying, picnicking, going to pubs and the likes with them. As when having many of those friends, you may feel compelled to be with each of them quite often. Such behavior can negatively affect your marriage. Do not forget to also keep your own group of friends, and do activities with them as well .
Hanging out together with them on quite a regular basis, or all the time is not such a good idea. It should not be that way. Always establish boundaries not only for them but for you as well. Personal matters must be kept private therefore they should not be rushed to those friends. Likewise, do not accept to chime in their private matters; even with their blessings they are not kids and should know by now how to deal with their private life and issues. What will they do if you are not there to help in that matter or refuse to do so?
Also, do not always accept their hangout proposals, as time should be left for personal social circle, extended family, kids, and also time to spend with yourself too. That would be a sign that maybe something does not function well; that you must be with others in order to enjoy life, to have fun. You should be able to connect with your significant other and have fun. Because you mutually decided to unite your lives and swore to be with each other through in good and bad time. So why can’t you have fun with your spouse instead of frequently searching for friends to do stuff with.
Guys mutual friends are great but what is awesome is to know how to set boundaries and to still enjoy their company!
