Like the title suggests, taking care of some of your family members can take a toll on your finances which in turn affects your marriage if not well managed. I am not saying here not to lend a hand to your mom, your brother, your sister or your cousin, no this is not really the point here; you can do so. But when it is at the extent to ruin your family life, be careful; stop and give it a serious thought before going ahead.
I know that in many countries parents do not have insurance and they count on their children to take care of them. So life will be so uneasy for them if you do not help them. What will they eat on a daily basis, where will they live? Helping your mom or your dad becomes like a duty for you as you have to be grateful for the fact they took good care of you, spent all their money in raising you well, paying private schools and totally or in great part pay for your college and university tuition.
In the same token, many times your little sister or brother need you to pay her school or to do a vocational degree. I know it seems tough for you to let her waste her time and not doing it. I know that some of you may say that why her or his siblings do not get a loan to pay for their schooling, but remember that even if you get a loan that it does not cover everything all the time. Sometimes they even skip a session; that applied to me actually. I got choked when my loan request for a summer session was denied for no good reasons.
Also some people are just studying in a foreign country so there is no way for them to get a loan, and also remember that in many countries that the loan option is not available, so the money should come from elsewhere.
It is the way that you manage everything that can hurt your family.
I remember that my friend Marilynn got in big trouble with her husband by taking care of her brother who at that time was studying in Switzerland on a student visa.
At that time the person who was the main bread winner was her husband and she was only working a part time job. Her brother had graduated from his program and therefore was going back to his homeland, as Marilynn needed her brother to stay in Switzerland, the only way to help is by signing him up for another program, a post diploma degree.
That idea was brilliant; however there was a huge problem, personally she did not have the money to pay for it. Do you know what she did? She took the money from the joint account she had with her husband and paid it for her brother’s tuition.
Although the money was in their joint account, the person who each month puts money in it was her husband not her; in other words it was Peter’s money. She took 5 thousand dollars from their account and paid her brothers’ tuition without previously asking her beloved for permission to do so, and what was worse in her husband’s views is that she did not tell him anything.
Puzzled that his brother in law was still in the country, Peter inquired how come he has not gone back to his country; that was when she informed him that he was enrolled in another college program. Since he was certain that nobody else has the economic means to pay that much money, he immediately got alarmed and wished that the money did not come from from his significant other. Marilynn did not even answer him. At that time as online banking was not that popular, the conversation stopped there.
During the following week, while he went to the bank for a transaction, Peter finally realized that his significant other withdrew around $6000 dollars from the account. Not having the guts to tell the truth when he asked about the money provenance got him furious. Under the influence of anger, Peter lashed out and let them know that he was married to her and to her brother; as a consequence, he did not care whether his brother in law stayed in Switzerland or leave the country.
Not surprisingly, he asked for the money to be returned to the account; as a consequence, trust was lost, and money matters became rather a touchy issue in their family life. As of that moment funds were not added into the account for a long time out of fear that every time someone of her family was in dire need of financial support, money will be taken out of their joint account. That situation caused a lot of conflict in their lives, and it took a long of time and a lot of work for him to trust her again with money.
There was another similar case where Jayden and Sarah ended up divorcing because this latter spent most of the family income on her brothers, sisters and mom. Jayden complained that he married her not her family; as a result, her money should be spent on their own children, not on her mom, or brothers and sisters. Although he was against the fact that sometimes she helps them, spending 50 percent and more of her salary on them in the long run was not acceptable. At some point he got so fed up that he filed for divorce.
That was a sad case because, besides financially assisting her family, they did not have any other major issue in their marriage.
Guys there is nothing wrong in helping close relatives from time to time. However, if it is something over the long run, or and where a lump sum is in question, it is sound to sit with your family to explore other avenues to help them become financially independent.
By that I mean some people may start a business with no astronomical sum of money. Also maybe you can encourage them to work on a part time basis so that you spend less money. Always consult with your significant other in matters of large amount of money and when it is over an extended period of time. Together you can come up with a plan that will not affect your finances neither your relationship.
