Sometimes rules are only for one of the two partners or spouses but not for the other one. Guys, It should not been like that, as everybody should abide by the same established laws and rules, so that both of person in that relationship lives in a healthy family. Only in this way, the two of you will be in a fair relationship or marriage. In fact, in a marriage like in any social institutions (as a marriage is an institution on its own composed of the husband the wife) some rules should not only be put in place but they should be implemented. Those rules are established by the two of you according to your moral, your education, your beliefs, and your vision of your perfect marriage; both of you swear to respect them.
But after all, why having marital rules if we are not going to enforce them in the first place? Could someone tell for who are them then?There is no doubt that those rules should be the same for the husband and also for the wife.
Skimping on your marital rules will prove two things: there is a blatant lack of respect for your other half, and your integrity is questionable. By doing so, your family’s harmony could be put at risk. Who are you for the laws not to be applied to you?
Let’s us take some examples now.
In my cousin Michel’s and Melissa’s household, rules seem to be for Melissa only and not for Michel. While having arguments with his spouse, Michel who is high tempered, has the tendency to yell, slam doors or and even punch his hands against the walls or the doors. Which he should not do as someone should use words and good arguments to convey his ideas properly and convince his interlocutor.
Melissa never likes when he does that, and one day that she had enough of everything while arguing with Michel, she grabbed a china coffee pot and broke it.
Do you know what happened next, Michel got surprised and asked to his spouse what type of behavior was this for a person, not even any person, his wife to grab a china coffee pot, threw it against a wall and broke it? shortly after, the news had quickly spread to many of his close friends, to his parents and his brothers.
Why did Melisa’s behavior had a bomb effect on Michel? Frankly I did not get it because it was the like things he usually did when he is angry, so why that should be that grave and for him to vigorously condemn his wife? Do not just expect that perfect attitude, and behavior from your other half while your own conduct toward your sweetheart leaves something to be desired.
Let’s take another example.
In Jean’s and Lynn common law relationship, each person swears to be faithful to each other. However, one day by checking out jean’s cellphone she read some text messages that clearly pointed that he had an affair with another woman. As Lynn is a very emotional woman, she immediately started a fight with her husband.
At first, he tried to deny it but when hearing some of his messages addressed to the other woman, he kept quiet as he realized that he got caught. Then Lynn continued to talk on and on about the matter. Jean got upset and started to argue back with her. At some point in their discussion, Lynn stated, ok, I am ok with it you can continue to have your affair with that woman, but you now I am going to have an affair as well with someone else. This way, there is no problem; you cheat, I cheat as well.
As being cheated on is not a pleasant feeling, Jean who almost shocked quickly replied hell no; this is something that I will never accept. That does not make sense and this is adultery. Are you not ashamed to say that? What kind of woman are you then! But you do it and me I can’t do it as well, why not, that is not fair. I am I a man but you are a woman and as of you should behave well.
Ah so mister can have an affair while I cannot. You know what? It is me the one who would not accept your infidelities. And then the fight started again.
Excuses used by jean, like man can cheat while women are not allowed to, are not only sexist but does not hold water. As a rule, what you preach should be applicable to you as well. Here the one who breaks the rule it is him, not his other half.
So in Jean’s eyes, or maybe what he wants us to believe, that rule is not applicable to him therefore his behavior is acceptable, while
his wife’s intentions are bad. And those bad thoughts are going to create troubles in their relationship. To resume, jean is right and the only one to be wrong here is Lynn.
Double standards should not be left unaddressed as it will irritate you, and in the end it will end up being a big problem. Depending on what topic it happens on and how often it occurs as well, it has the potential to undermine your marriage. The partner who benefits from the double standards may be seen as being unfair and hypocritical.
The double standards victim may be tempted to act as if that situation and it does not constitute an issue; which is wrong. If you do not want the matter to go out of your hand do not ignore it as in the long run the possibility of resenting your other half may be high, and your relationships’ health will suffer.
First off it is good to know if your partner is conscious of the double standard situation, if so, the second thing is to try to know what makes him or her act that way. You never know as certain life experiences make some people behave in a weird way.
While addressing double standards in your marriage or your relationship be kind but firm with your partner and tell him or her how you feel about all that situation. Talk about your expectations, and how you see him or her when his or she acts that way. Tell him/her about how you feel; he/she thinks you are dumb and he/she is just using you, and taking you for granted.
Guys be fair, double standard should not exist in any marriage; be careful about that because your other half does not feel comfortable with that situation. Remember that laws and rules are for everybody in this relationship or this marriage without any exception.
