Why when you get through the first serious problem in your relationship the first thing that comes to your mind is to leave the house, or to want your significant other to stop living under the same roof as you. Why nearly instantaneously you are already thinking about getting separated and obtaining a divorce.
Marriage as well as common law living are not always smooth, they are not, of course, a rosy picture; in fact, marriage is made of ups and downs and what you have to do is to face them, deal with them, find solutions, or alternatives in order to move forward with the relationship. Sorry to disappoint you, but life on earth is in no way a long quiet flowing river and I am pretty sure you all knows that, so I am not teaching you anything new.
When you look around and see people celebrating 20 years, even 40 years of marriage, you consider them as heroes don’t you? Do not think their family life has been easier than yours, and do not look at them with rose coloured glasses. What matters it is how much love they have for each other, how strong is their level of commitment, how good they are at solving problems. In regards of nature of problems, they are no quite different from the ones you face in your own relationship.
Like your other half and you, your parents and so many other couples went through several hardships. I am also pretty sure that one of them thought about living the marital vows and even get divorced, but they did not entertain that idea. Or at least not for a long time.
Every person is unique which includes his or her qualities and flaws therefore divergence of opinions, conflicts can arise and will arise, for sure, at any time, so expect them.
If every couple gets divorce at the first problem that pops up, do you image how high will be divorce rate, and how many married couples that we will have, I mean couples who remain married.
When getting married you both vowed to love, to respect and to cherish each other in good and in bad times; in other words you commit to unite your lives and work the road together. So you see the person who married you, either a religious minister or whatever other person, knows very well that hardship will come up your ways and sort of warning you about it while asking you if you are agree before they the marriage get finalized.
I remember my cousin Smith who marries Nancy counted to my mom that his wife and him used to have a lot of problem after tying the knots. Their live rapidly becomes unhealthy because they were arguing very very often. At some point in their relation, they even contemplated divorce become the situation was unbearable.
But one day Smith and Nancy decided to seat down and have a serious discussion with regard to their situation. As a result they both immediately agreed on one stuff, they were not married to get divorced. During their long dating process, because they started date each other before being 18, they have always seen their live together and this one of the reasons why they got married. This was how, by mutual agreement, those spouses decided to remove divorce out of their head to move forward together. Do you know what happen next? They went through that hardship successfully as they are living with their two handsome boys. That does not mean they do not argue anymore, they do, but they just do not see divorce as solution, as the way to go. Together they solve their problems.
Many times I have found myself in situations where I could give up, but I have never did that. When those moments were almost over or were over hubby usually would come with that sentence as an excuse: I screwed up, I am sorry, I promised to do my best from now on for that not to occur again in the future but you know I am human being and as such I may screw up again. Yes this is when he regret what he did, after I made him realize the extent of his words, actions, and behaviors. I would not hide to you that those moments put me in rage so many times. But as I previously stated, I always put our family first, so it does not come as a surprise that I each of those times choose to move forward with it.
One of my mom’s and big sister’s friend, Kerry, went through a lot in her marriage with her husband.
There were some very tough moments in Kerry’s life; moments where she knew about her significant other’s infidelity. On top of that, she knew that her husband did not have one extra marital affair, but many. What was even tougher for her was the fact that her husband conceived a baby with one of those women.
Kerry spent so many times crying during so many nights while thinking about all that difficult situation; however, at the end she decided to forgive her life partner and to stay with him, as besides being a womanizer he is not that bad, she even admitted that he was a loving husband, a caring father five their five kids. Which surprised her family as they know she has a very strong personality therefore a divorce would not come as a surprise. She surprised everybody and had a happy life with her husband till he unexpectedly passed away in a tragic car accident.
Instead of thinking about getting a divorce why you both try to dialogue. As this can help you move forward. Have you thought about compromising, couples so many times have to make compromises you cannot have it all all the times, and the same applies to your other half, this way there will be less frustrations and resentments. Have you also considered the help of a professional third party?
Guys, any and every couples go through ups and downs, so do not expect your family to be different. What can be different is how often troubles occur, their intensity and repercussion on your lives, and how both of you handle it. My last advice for you today is to get divorce out of your minds!
