Indeed it can be very frustrating that almost whenever we talk before I even finish my sentence, or get through a couple of sentences, he just jumps in the conversation and start talking without waiting for his turn.
When doing this, my significant other takes control of the conversation and barely giving me a chance to get a word; at that rhythm, what can I do? The options are fairly slim, either I let him talk and interact when I have time to do so, which case I should count myself lucky, or being silent and end the talk. Anyways, I just stay with my frustration as this not a conversation, I call this one sided talk. Sincerely with something like that we are not going nowhere.
This is a good illustration of the story of my husband and I; he complains that during our discussions, I do not let him say what he thinks because I talk over him, which seems so funny because I reproach him the same thing. To me, he is the one who does not let me express my ideas, feelings and emotions entirely.
I wonder if I am really like the way he said, and why do other people such as siblings, mom, friends, neighbors and coworkers do not complain? Then I started to watch myself to find out whether I do that. You know what, on second thoughts, I realize that he maybe a little bit right, that what is said is not totally false that sometimes, I in fact, cut him off but not as often as he stated; which is a tad bit relieving
I am not trying to find any mitigating circumstances but when that occurs it is in some special cases and for mainly the following reasons.
For instance, in case of strong disagreement I immediately react and speak my minds. In fact, this morning he ask me if I wanted to see a duplex, we are in the middle of house hunting, since buying a duplex was definitely out of my list my answer was negative right away. In my mind, hubby was asking me one clear question to which I gave a clear-cut answer as well then the conversation was over; but, to my surprise after half an hour or so he reproached me of not letting him finish his train of thoughts once again, one too many times.
Other times, I jump in the conversation just because I see what he means, and that I do not need further explanations in order to interact. Put differently, I just assume I know what he talks about, cut him off, and chime in.
Another example is a famous musician couple at a talk show. All of a sudden Paul, the husband, starts to cut off his woman and gets irritated at her attempts to make a point; which seems very rude. What a blatant lack of respect to his wife. To me if he reacting like that in a television show broadcast all over the world and on YouTube make me wonder what happens when they are at home alone.
Since then, my views about them as a couple has changed completely. Everybody thinks they are the example of the perfect couple, people even compose a songs and the lyrics are they want to get married and live happily like them. Maybe everybody is wrong about them. Poor woman! she tries to talk but each time her husband monopolizes the conversation almost like he is the only guest of the television program. As she is embarrassed, she composes a smile to mask her embarrassment, but everything was more than evident.
The story of two people who are Facebook stars living in a committed relationship, a makeup artist and her boyfriend who is promoter continues in the same vein as the musician couple’s. She got interrupted many times by her partner and as she is someone who does not mince her words, she gave him a mad look, raised her voice and said stop interrupting me, let me talk I have the right to it. A few months later, they went their separate way, and the promoter married a realtor. This was to be expected view the way they interacted during the interview.; communication was not good between them.
When it comes to communication one should be a good, an attentive listener which means also to pay attention of our partner’s in dialogue body and verbal cues; this way you both cannot only enjoy the talk but also getting to an agreement if this was the goal. O
Otherwise, we only make room for frustration which can lead to anger, feelings of being upset, arguments, and so on.
According to my significant other when I jump into the conversation he knows that he could not get any positive thing from the talk that the conversation is over. That he may try another day when I am in an elated mood or just not talking about it altogether, which not healthy for the relationship.
As hubby contests the fact that he is mainly the one who disrupts our conversations, I came with the idea to record some of our chats, this way he may realize he really does it. In the beginning, he was a bit reluctant to implement it thinking that it will be biased given we know that we are getting recorded, but it worked. When the conversation takes a passionate turn he jumps right away into it. When listening the recording, he has a smile while I looking straight in his eyes. To me he is just a bit embarrassed, but the evidence was very clear.
This is a victory, I call it victory because it is a enormous step ahead towards resolving the issue; if there is no problem there is no need to fix it, so now he sees what he does we can work through it for a solution.
Honey proposes to improve the way we communicate to work through the talking over each other issue. Things are getting way better than it was before, mainly for me but as we are human sometimes we just help jumping into the conversation.
Keep working on it is the way to go, and you will see good results.Do not get discourage as it does not happens overnight;changing, get rid of some bad habits do require effort, time, dedication and overall perseverance.
When it is your partner’s time to talk let him/her do so, listen wait for your turn, this way your talk will be productive!
