Each of us has our own way to be, it is innate, it is in our nature; indeed this is how we came on earth. Put differently, we have our own way of thinking, of expressing ourselves, our opinions, even our way of using certain words instead of others.
This is that special touch that makes us unique. We have favorite flowers, colors that we wear most of the times, and also certain foods that we enjoy while we do not like other or and do not even eat them. For instance, I love shrimps and crabs but I cannot even stand herrings .
It can be argued that culture plays a significant part in all that, and I do acknowledge it. Yet, individuals sharing a same cultural background do not consistently act in a similar fashion neither they think exactly the same way at all times; there will always be the added personal touch. As proof, when cooking, ingredients are chosen then combined in our own way because this is how we like it.
Dating, is the time to know the person to figure out whether he or she is the one; therefore, rushing the relationship into marriage, or moving together too soon is not always good. There was too little time to find out red flags, and take decisions whether to say good bye to the lover or not.
In that period we learn to know each other’s personality, tastes, and flaws. Are the latter something that you can live with? If not, we are heading straight for troubles. Unfortunately, far too often, we turn a blind eye on the imperfections hoping them to magically disappear overnight, afterwards everything will be alright. That will be wonderful if it was like that, but that only takes place in fairy tales.
Another major mistake is thinking we can make him or her give up some bad habits. There you are definitely taking the dispute, arguments path. Get that idea out of your head right now! We cannot change people, the way you see them is the way they are; as far as I can tell it is something quite impossible.
Working on one’s flaws is good for both spouses, but the desired success is not always guaranteed. First off, the person should be willing to admit this attitude causes trouble to his/her significant other. Secondly, the willingness to try to change them should be there and must be very strong; then a plan should be adopted. Even like that, the results are still not guaranteed.
When our spouse realizes that we want to change him or her, he may not appreciate that and reacts completely in a surprising manner: ungraciously putting us back to our place.
To illustrate let’s take the case of one of my friends. When getting married the bride knew perfectly that her husband was not working and she also knew that he was a bit lazy. At that time, she did not mind it. However, after a good while, she got fed up of his laziness and began to change him.not only she did that out of love, but also had faith that he would understand the need of having a job to contribute to the expenses and save money for their future. She could not get how he did not want to work, and him he founds that she was bothering him. At he end, after countless disputes where family members chimed in, he left the house, moved back to his mom and never returned back.
Let’s take a second example, Mitchell got married to Sonia, this later knew that Mitchell was not a faithful guy and dated other women at the same time he dated her. Apparently, that was not a big deal as she married him anyway. When she out for work she told him to stay home all day(he was jobless). Many times, soon after her departure, he left the home to visit girlfriends. As she was jealous, and there was no agreement in favor of an open relationship, she tried to change him. Life quickly became unlivable, and as in my previous example, he moved out.
Such mindset is so wrong as it complicates things later on. In fact, it is quite difficult to change someone; in my opinion it is something quite impossible. Someone can work on some of his or her flaws but the desired success is not guaranteed. First off, the person should be willing to admit his attitude hurts the relationship, secondly the willing to try to change must exist and be very strong, and then a course of action should be formulated. Even so, the results are till not guaranteed.
When our significant other realizes that we want to change him or her, he may not appreciate and react in a complete surprising manner: ungraciously put us back to our place.
To illustrate let’s take the case of one of my friends. When getting married Alexandra, knew perfectly that her husband was not working and she also knew that he was a bit lazy. At that time, she did not mind it. However, after a good while, she got fed up of his laziness and began to change him. She did that out of love for him having faith that he will understand the need of having a job to contribute to the expenses and save money for their future. She cold not get how he did not want to work, and him he founds that she was bothering him. At he end , after countless disputes where family members chimed in, he left the house, moved back to his mom and never returned back.
Let’s take a second example, Mitchell got married to Sonia, this later knew that her husband was not a faithful guy and dated other women at the same time he dated her. Apparently that was not a big deal, as she married him anyway. When she was out for work she told him to stay home all day(at that time he was jobless). Many times, soon after her departure, he went to visit girlfriends. As she was a jealous woman, and there was no agreement in favor of an open relationship, she tried to change him but life quickly became unlivable, and as in my previous example Mitchell moved out.
By taking those two examples I by no means encourage to tolerate cheater neither lazy people who do not want to get a job; I only highlight that dating period is for one reason.
When you want your partner to change you want a different person, how would you feel, if someone tries to change you. Put yourself in that person’s shoes. will you feel comfortable, will you be happy?
Guys accept your significant other’s without forcing him/her to change for the happiness of the family.
