Where did he get this odd idea? Can you believe that? He wants me to be a stay at home mother. I have to confess that I am completely baffled. Definitely, something is not alright in his mind. Yes something has to be wrong with him to come up with such a proposition.
So, in his eyes the best thing for me to do is staying at home doing house chores, and taking care of the kids, right! I mumbled, turned and tossed the idea in my mind. Do I look like a cleaning lady? A nanny, a cook or a maid? Please someone tell me how can such an idea popped up and why did he not abandon it? Instead, hubby had a whole plan for me.
Of course, I adore kids and I also like cooking tasty and pleasing to the eyes dishes for them so that they grow up healthy without any nutritional deficiency. Likewise, it is a pleasure to keep their rooms clean and tidy, to dress them many times a day and whenever their clothes are dirty; in other words to provide them with a homey a loving environment to live.
But staying at home all the time, and giving up on my profession is not part of my agenda. I cannot and I do not want to say good bye to so many years of studies where I stayed late at night to do homework, presentations and exams. Saying good bye to any desire of continuing my studies to further my career just to please him, it is definitely not appealing.
Such a decision should not be rushed, instead it must be carefully considered, and in order to get there please weighs its pros and cons.
While some couples can adopt that change without any problems at all, others will not accept it so easily as what works for someone may not work for another person.
Why men, of course not all men, tend to want their wives to be full time moms knowing that their wives dream about having a fulfilling career not only to be financially independent but also to be proud of their work achievement?
In the past, a great percentage of wives were stay at home mothers, and as such they took care of the home as well as the kids and were not working. It is true that in my grandmothers’ and great grandmother’s time, it was normal to be a stay at home mother. In fact, a great number of women stop working after getting married and or having kids dedicating themselves to care for their husbands and their kids. Almost all their time was allocated this way.
In this day and age, things are quite different, women believe in getting a career. They get married late, and even those who get married early take several years before procreating just to secure their jobs and their career.
Women of our generation attend undergraduate and graduate programs which imply spending years and years studying. As well, more and more women work in similar fields as men, such as engineering, police, army, among others which were, in the past, reserved to men. Therefore a lot of time, money and energy are poured out.
As a consequence, taking the decision to become a stay at home mom is not an easy one. It maybe quite difficult giving up on our financial freedom and any professional aspirations.
I know a woman, Sarah Lynn, who after giving birth to her daughter got told by her husband to stay at home to take care of their daughter. As the husband was doing very well on an economic standpoint therefore they would not go through financial hardship. Sarah Lynn quickly accepted that proposition and became a stay at home mom giving up her job while her husband became the sole breadwinner of the household.
During years, this arrangements worked for them, which was great; however, when she decided to reintegrate the workforce, she regretted her past decision. Despite of good references, years of experience under her belt and good qualifications she could not get a job in her field anymore. No matter how good you were in your field, with no recent work experience a vast majority of enterprises do not want to hire you; if you are lucky enough to get a good job, the salary will be more under the normal average pay.
Let’s go back to Sarah Lynn’s story; with a major in psychology she had a good position along with a good salary. But now she was obliged to accept a remuneration way below what she earned before leaving the workforce. So she is fighting to get where she was several years ago as the current job she is working at is not on the same level as her previous one.
Becoming a stay at home mom because this was your husband’s idea, being a stay at home mother just to please your significant other can be a good or not such a good thing. Therefore, this decision should not be taken lightly. If you have a strong feeling that you will be happy with such a decision, go ahead.
However, if it goes against your happiness you may want to give it more thoughts, reconsider it at a later time, or just not getting on board. It may not be for you. You must be strong enough to announce your unwillingness to be a stay at home mom and be firm to let him understand that you have another vision but you will still be a good mom and a good wife.
Good communication skills come really in handy there. He may be disappointed, which should be expected, but it is a normal reaction. Just put everything nicely, quietly while adopting a good tone. After a while he will be most likely to accept you decision because of his respect and love for you.
Do not go head down this road if you know it is not for you, otherwise, you may run the risk of regretting it later, turn and toss it in your mind, after all it is you who is going to play this role not him. That will give you the needed time to foresee the pros and cons. Could you face the cons? Do you have the tools to face it, and for how long? Those are the right questions to ask yourself before jumping into the stay at home world!
But if your answer to the above mentioned question are positive welcome to the stay at mom world! It can be very rewarding.
Do not pressure your wife to be a stay at home mom, let her take the decision quietly!
